Inner Alignment & Conscious Leadership: Transforming Leadership from Within with Dr. Ron Stotts (Ep 3)

Inner Alignment & Conscious Leadership: Transforming Leadership from Within with Dr. Ron Stotts (Ep 3) | Leadership Meets Inner Self Podcast
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Leadership Meets [00:01:00] Inner Self. Where we explore the powerful synergy between authentic leadership, purposeful business strategies, and personal growth. I'm Plamena, your host, and I'm here to guide you on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Whether you're an entrepreneur, professional, or simply someone looking to align your inner self with impactful leadership, you're in the right place.

[00:01:26] Each week we dive into thought-provoking discussions and offer actionable strategies to help you lead authentically and build a legacy that truly reflects your purpose. Let's get [00:02:00] started.

[00:02:06] Plamena: Welcome to Leadership Meets Inner Self, the podcast where we explore the intersection of self-awareness, leadership, and transformation. I'm your host, Plamena. And in this episode, we will dive deep into what it truly means

[00:02:19] to lead with authenticity impact and purpose Today, we are tackling a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of leadership, inner alignment. Many leaders focus on strategy, industry expertise, and external frameworks. But what about the inner work? How do self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and personal transformation impact a leader's ability to lead effectively?

[00:02:47] To help us explore this, I'm honored to have Dr. Ron Stotts with me today. Dr. Ron Stotts is a three-time best-selling author. Leadership expert, and executive [00:03:00] coach who has dedicated his career to guiding entrepreneurs, business leaders, and executives into the highest level of conscious leadership.

[00:03:08] With a PhD in psychology and a doctor of chiropractic, he has spent decades blending ancient wisdom with modern psychological, neurological, and leadership studies to help leaders. Break through personal and professional limitations. Dr. Ron is also an advisory board member at Harvard Business Review, contributing insights on leadership, business strategy, and personal development.

[00:03:33] He has worked with high-level executives, entrepreneurs, and corporate leaders, including playing a role in AT&T's transition from a monopoly to a profit-driven company, where he observed firsthand how top-down leadership models created fear-based cultures that hinder potential. He has since spent over 45 years helping leaders step into their unique leadership styles, redefining success [00:04:00] from an internal transformational perspective.

[00:04:02] As the CEO of Stotts International Incorporated, he continues to empower leaders with his online and in-person transformational programs, helping them align their leadership with their true purpose and highest potential. Dr. Ron, welcome to Leadership Meets iInner Self! It's really a pleasure to have you here.

[00:04:24] Dr. Ron Stotts: have to listen to that as if I'm listening about somebody else. oh, he's an interesting guy.

[00:04:31] Plamena: Well, you have you have a lot of years of experience.

[00:04:38] You've worked with some of the world's top leaders, helping them evolve into more conscious self-aligned leaders. From your experience, how does inner self-alignment impact the leaders' work, their leadership style, and the way they run their business?

[00:04:56] Dr. Ron Stotts: Well, I think it's crucial, especially in today's [00:05:00] rapidly changing, ever-evolving, work environment. I mean, it used to be things you could kind of look back five years and through what we did then, and then, make decisions of what we're going to do next. And now it's changing so rapidly and getting so complex that we have to be present and in the moment. So that literally takes a neurological development in leadership ability and literally in their brain. And so they can't be coming from what I would call a fear-based, top-down, controlling style, which is very popular from the 50s forward. But, they have to really just be much more present, much more curious.

[00:05:42] They have to be much, have a much more agile mind. those things are just not available, you've really done, gone on that inner journey and become more self-aware, become more emotionally intelligent so that you can handle all of the diversity and changes [00:06:00] and shifts that are going on in the world today.

[00:06:04] Plamena: Yeah, that is true. So in your work with high-level executives, what patterns have you seen between inner alignment and effective leadership?

[00:06:14] Dr. Ron Stotts: I think the biggest challenge I see in leadership today, to be quite honest with you, is that they're looking outside of themselves. for what can only be found within. They're looking outside of themself and trying to solve these outer problems. They're blaming others. They're blaming circumstances. I understand and appreciate that because that's where they've lived their life from. And, you know, so what I support them in beginning to understand is and help them begin to look within themselves. For whether the real challenge might be, they have outer problems, say with of their people and turns out, well, that relationship challenges that they're having with others is really a relationship challenge that they [00:07:00] have within themself. And it's something that stems from early childhood or sometime earlier in their life. And so they begin to start making that connection personal and professional growth and development. I mean, I had one guy, he's got five nine-figure businesses and, the quote that I really was impacted by is he just never saw the, connection between that personal journey and the professional development and how the two go hand in hand.

[00:07:31] Plamena: Yeah, I think it's very challenging, especially for logical people who tend to look Things from a very, very practical and logical perspective.

[00:07:42] Dr. Ron Stotts: Mm hmm.

[00:07:43] Plamena: So, how have you seen that this, affects, their teams and businesses when they don't do any inner work?

[00:07:51] Dr. Ron Stotts: Well, if they don't do any work, inner work, then what they're going to run into is that level of disconnection within [00:08:00] themselves is going to be mirrored in their level of disconnection to being present to others, to circumstances. And that looks like, Seeing everything as a challenge and, you know, their leadership is more, there's a game that when I was a child you would see in carnivals and things, it was called whack a mole.

[00:08:23] You'd have two clubs in your hand and you'd, would pop up and you'd try and hit them down and you'd try and keep up with all the things popping up and that's really, unfortunately, that's what leaders are being rewarded for, is playing that game. Handling all of the crises, circumstances, changes, demands of leadership by just continuing to, take care of each of them as they come up.

[00:08:48] And it's that limited perspective, that keeps them, and they get rewarded for that. And it's like, well, why would I change that? Everything's fine. But the trouble is

[00:08:57] Plamena: Yeah.

[00:08:58] Dr. Ron Stotts: and they're not. Paying [00:09:00] attention to a lot of other things that are critical for us at the levels of success they're looking for.

[00:09:05] And so, what I support them as seeing is that a lot of these emergencies, these crises are really just because they weren't paying attention on the bigger picture. And as they begin to breathe and be more curious, as they begin to breathe and be more present. they become more self-aware on the inner journey, as they become more emotionally intelligent, they really do have this enhanced mental capacity, neurologically rewiring their brain so that they're accessing and being run by what I would call the forebrain, so that they're not being run by their fears and the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. But they're also learning to access, you know, it's probably The main area that I'm leading people to is what I call big mind, and that's where instead of trying to think and try and figure out, you quiet your mind and [00:10:00] access that information from place of just higher intelligence. It's not like you're Channeling and receiving it from the universe in a way, maybe you are, but you're really receiving

[00:10:12] it from the best who and what you are, you're connecting and accessing that information and, I use it all the time in my work it just saves me so much time, and what comes in is much higher than anything that if I was trying and efforting and coming from a place of fear that I would come up with.

[00:10:35] Plamena: I agree. Quieting the mind seems to be really a huge factor. Also, many leaders succeed by following a formula, whether it's a corporate management structures, leadership methodologies, or mimicking the styles of others that have succeeded. But how important is it for leaders in your opinion to do [00:11:00] this inner work and so work beyond just industry expertise and traditional leadership training?

[00:11:08] Because we know that leaders, they do need this leadership training, management training also and, special, trainings, that has to do with their specific expertise, of course, to upgrade their skills. But, how important is it for the leaders to do also this soul work to go really beyond this business area of expertise.

[00:11:32] Dr. Ron Stotts: Yeah,

[00:11:32] Plamena: they're focusing on.

[00:11:34] Dr. Ron Stotts: a simple way to say it. I mean people go into business to make money. That's

[00:11:38] Plamena: That is true.

[00:11:39] Dr. Ron Stotts: about they want to make more money. They want to have more impact. They want to have more influence if you really want to go into business and make more money, then there's over 50 years of leadership research that shows that if you become more self aware, emotionally intelligent that you'll increase your productivity and profits [00:12:00] by at least 40%. So, okay, pretty straightforward.

[00:12:05] Certainly see it in my clients and they're, kind of scoff at the 40 percent because they're really. You know, I had one fellow who had, you know, five, nine figure businesses, and he had doubled the value of three of them within a year, due to his inner shift, and how that affected others, because all of a sudden, he became much more understanding, appreciative, compassionate, empathetic for himself. But that inner relationship with ourself is mirrored in our relationship with others. So, all of a sudden, he's becoming more appreciative and understanding of others. He's supporting them, bringing out the best in them. he's becoming more vulnerable because he's more authentic and comfortable with himself. And in that vulnerability, he creates a safety. within the community, the organization and in that safety, you have people then feeling like they're a part [00:13:00] of something that's, viable and important and they want to be a part of it. So they start giving their all and in that process they start. Really working more cooperatively. They don't feel like they're competing with other teams. They recognize that they're all, moving in the same direction. And then that

[00:13:19] cooperation, collaboration, you gain, it's like a flock of birds. One can fly and about one quarter of the distance as a group flying together.

[00:13:30] And that's really how it is in organizations as they really integrate and become. A unified, that, can accomplish much, much more.

[00:13:42] Plamena: Yes, and I also think that, this affects also their motivation and, you mentioned authenticity. I think also that when people see their leader being authentic, they gain this sense of safety. And then they feel [00:14:00] also, safe to express themselves more authentically. So people, for example, who have brilliant ideas, but they don't dare to speak up.

[00:14:07] They, they start speaking up and they start collaborating as you mentioned. And, I think it is remarkable the change that we can see in such a team or in such an organization that. It's led by leaders who really embrace their authenticity and their vulnerability.

[00:14:27] Dr. Ron Stotts: And the treat most of them, be honest with you, most of my clients, yes, they love seeing the ripples of their own

[00:14:36] Plamena: Yeah,

[00:14:37] Dr. Ron Stotts: through the organization, but What's really amazing to them is their relationships with their partners, with their children, with friends. All of a sudden, their entire life is enhanced. And of course, it's seen in the organization also, but it's, You know, everybody kind of has an image for their life. They have [00:15:00] something that drives them. And more you heal, the more you become aware of what your higher purpose is, what you're aspiring to, what your life's really about.

[00:15:09] And as you see that inspiration, that aspiration that you have, that kind of becomes your compass setting. And so all of a sudden, you're not just going after money, you're going after things, you're going after status. You're going after really accomplishing something that really is not only serving and supporting yourself, but others also. And it's in that, that more integrated, holistic, perspective that you end up, creating a more conscious and caring world, which is kind of my secret agenda.

[00:15:41] Plamena: mine too.

[00:15:45] Yes. So, How can a leader recognize when they are leading from their true self versus leading based on external expectations? For example, very often a company has, specific management [00:16:00] guidelines and, with the years of. Practicing them, leaders really embody them as their own. And at some point they're lose track of, what they actually believe in, what their values are.

[00:16:11] So how can a leader recognize when they're leading from their true self versus some internal expectations

[00:16:19] Dr. Ron Stotts: you know, there's so much training out there, there's so many coaches that are teaching you how to act as if, you know, this is how you act as if you're an emotionally intelligent person. This is how you act as if you're an authentic human being. And to be honest with

[00:16:37] Plamena: Do you think that this helps?

[00:16:39] Dr. Ron Stotts: Pardon

[00:16:39] Plamena: can Do

[00:16:41] you think that this helps?

[00:16:43] Dr. Ron Stotts: but then when things get difficult, that falls apart because they're not really either one of those or any of that.

[00:16:50] Plamena: Yeah.

[00:16:50] Dr. Ron Stotts: the beauty of it is, as you personally heal, you know, children want love more than anything else. They want unconditional love more than anything else.

[00:16:59] And so they're always [00:17:00] looking of themselves to get that. Who do I need to be? What do I do with these feelings? What do I do in this situation? And we end up really becoming addicted to looking outside of ourselves to get love and acceptance. And that addiction, just as we get into our adulthood, continues.

[00:17:19] We're still always looking for, you know, I've had billionaires that I've worked with. And it's so interesting and I mean literally they all get to the same place that it's it's the comment Well, that wasn't it and what they're talking about is all the money all the things all the you know They really felt like if I can just have enough money if I can just accomplish them enough But get to a certain status then I'll be acceptable then I'll be loved They have no conscious awareness of that, but they, as they become aware of that, they really recognize, oh, well, that wasn't it. and of course, in the work that I offer, they begin to look [00:18:00] within themselves to accept and love themselves. it's from that place of, of acceptance and love that they develop these relationships that we were talking about earlier, the connections, the organizations. it's, it's from that place, they are an authentic intelligent, conscious human being. I heard somebody talking the other day, and it's like 90 percent of our thoughts are subconscious, generally. That means we're only aware of about 5 or 10 percent of our thoughts. Well, subconscious thoughts are really fear based thoughts. So, as we heal our emotional backlog, We heal that, all of those, unconscious and subconscious thoughts. All of a sudden, all of what used to be unconscious and just run our life, sabotage our life, make us wonder why we're not doing well in this area or that, that really goes away and becomes an integrated whole self awareness. And so, you know, the [00:19:00] subconscious isn't sabotaging. because we are aware of what our worth, a conscious consciousness really means how aware are you of what you're thinking, what you're feeling emotionally and physically, how aware you are of what level of awareness you're in at any given time. And when you're coming from that place, you're really, your focus becomes, okay, how do I breathe and stay curious? How do I breathe and stay present? Because I trust that everything coming to me has, is an opportunity, quite literally. All those challenges and difficulties that we used to, know, try and play whack a mole with. Really, now we begin to see where the opportunity is within all of this. Because they bring out higher levels of thinking, they bring out, you know, more collaborative teamwork. They bring out levels of, around marketing, around whatever it might be, that really take the organization, take all the [00:20:00] people involved in that, all the stakeholders, who you buy from, who you sell to. It improves everybody's life. And that's where you really do, all of a sudden, instead of coming from a place of fear and greed and lack, you all of a sudden start to create a world that is really supportive of both yourself and everyone else. Does that make sense?

[00:20:21] Plamena: Yes. Yes. Yes. That makes a lot of sense. And you also mentioned that you work with, very successful people, billionaires, that, have chased the next goal and the next goal and more money and more profit. But at some point they all ask themselves the same questions.

[00:20:40] Okay. What's next? What's next Then. This doesn't do the trick anymore. So I need something more. What is this that I need? What is my purpose? So to say, I think this is a pivotal moment when most of them feel kind of stuck, whether it's burnout self doubt or lack of [00:21:00] clarity.

[00:21:00] So you talk about personal transformation as a key to leadership. So how does someone begin this journey when they are so busy and when everyone is trying to get their attention for something?

[00:21:16] Dr. Ron Stotts: Well, you shared that well, because they really, keep growing, they keep being more successful. But what happens is, they always reach a kind of a glass ceiling that we talk about, and they keep trying harder and using the things that they used before. But they feel that feeling of stuck.

[00:21:33] They do. They feel like they're stuck. Things aren't working as well as they used to. All of a sudden they get a little afraid to be honest with you. lots of times when they get to that place and if they keep trying too hard, things start falling apart around them. their personal relationships, their relationship with their kids, but certainly they start losing some of their top people and you know, they're not able to attract the people that they need or would like [00:22:00] to be involved with in the organization and that's, when they come to me to be honest, because they're scared, you know, there's more than a few people who I've worked with who no way they would have come and ask for help from anybody else.

[00:22:14] You know, the arrogance, the, you know, the

[00:22:16] Yeah.

[00:22:17] sense of I've got it and I'm in control of the universe. It was just too dominant. And so, you know, they come when they recognize. Boy, things aren't working. I need some help. And it's the best moment in their life because that's when they're going to finally be vulnerable enough to go on that inner journey to look at, well, where did I come from?

[00:22:40] What am I at the effect of? do I need to heal so that I can access all of who and what I am, so I can create that, inspiring life that I truly want to be living.

[00:22:52] Plamena: You mentioned control. Do you think that, the fear of losing control is one of the biggest blockages in their [00:23:00] lives and one the biggest factors that drives them actually to look for a change, for an alternative, so to say, that is not something that they would normally do.

[00:23:11] Dr. Ron Stotts: And the problem is their definition of control is completely off, that's where the problem is. Their definition of control is to try harder, to effort more, to think more, to be up in their head more, and less in their heart. less than their gut, all of that sends a signal to the brain that they're in fear, that they're in stress. And there's the, what you call a primary or reptilian brain at the top of our spine. And then you've got the midbrain, the more mammalian brain. then you've got the cortex, the higher brain, it's the left and right brain connected by the corpus callosum. And when you are in that state of stress, when you're in that state of efforting and trying, you're really telling [00:24:00] yourself you're in a state of scarcity, you're in, you know, you're coming from fear. And the chemical gates between that midbrain and higher brain literally begin to shut down. In other words, you don't have access to your higher level of thinking. And, the more the amygdala is triggering fear and fight or flight or whatever response you're coming up with, the less able they are to access exactly what they need to move through that glass ceiling so they continue to grow and evolve. That's probably what I'm supporting people in doing more than anything. You know, they come in, they've gone to Harvard, they've got the right job. And they're very successful. They're smart. I mean, some of the people

[00:24:46] Plamena: Yes.

[00:24:47] Dr. Ron Stotts: are just

[00:24:47] Plamena: Some are brilliant. Yeah.

[00:24:51] Dr. Ron Stotts: But they're so used to being up here. even, it's not even whole brain thinking, it's left brain logical thinking that they're

[00:24:59] Plamena: [00:25:00] Yeah.

[00:25:00] Dr. Ron Stotts: And that's worked for them. it only works for so long. Because now, especially nowadays, you've got to also work with people. You've got to work with clients. You've got to work with, others, and that requires you to be more emotionally intelligent.

[00:25:16] To more emotionally intelligent, you have to be more self aware, so I mean if I take all The mystery out of my work, all I'm ever really doing is helping them neurologically rewire their brain so they can access levels of thinking. So there's more agile and capable. It's the emotional work that I do in the initial two month course that I do. You know, they're really in and taking a deep dive into, who they are, where they come from, that kind of thing. the reason we're doing that healing is not so much to heal the inner child. Yeah, that's great. And that's what we're doing. the effect of [00:26:00] that is they shift from looking outside for love and acceptance to looking within.

[00:26:04] And shift from having the amygdala run their life. From a place of fear and trauma and drama, to a place of the forebrain. Literally, as the mind gets quieter, which it does as you do that healing work, the forebrain takes over as your conscious CEO. That's what it was intended to be, but it just won't blossom until you quiet your mind enough to let it do its job. And so, all of a sudden, that part of the brain wakes up and takes over in the leadership aspect of your life. You see the bigger picture. You see much more of your higher intention than what you're aspiring to, what we were referring to before. And also are accessing levels of their imagination, creativity, intuition, things that are critical for quality leadership these days. And all of a sudden it's like, wow, this is new. This is [00:27:00] amazing.

[00:27:01] Plamena: Yeah.

[00:27:01] Dr. Ron Stotts: you know, as you were talking about, as I can, they continue on their journey and they actually begin to integrate and trust all of this. They begin to be more present. Their mind becomes quieter. And as it becomes quieter, that's when I begin to have them shifting into, okay, rather than trying and efforting and, supporting that old habit of relying on that left brain, let's quiet our minds so that you have a more integrated, bigger picture perspective of whatever is going on. Let's quiet your mind and rather than try and know the answer, receive the information that you need. from a more integrated, whole, sense of what you are. And as they do that, it's a little difficult because they have to trust and let go, of what they've been using all of their life. as they do that, the successes that they have are, are so, know, it's like a golf, you know, I play golf and, you know, and I just [00:28:00] started a couple of years ago and, and it's true that. You'll be sitting there trying and efforting and whacking at this little white ball, being frustrated as you can possibly be. But all of a sudden you'll just be present or you'll just relax and you'll, swing the club and all of a sudden that ball just takes off and it's that moment

[00:28:23] Plamena: a feeling of it.

[00:28:25] Dr. Ron Stotts: you feel, you fall in love with the game, you fall in love with that experience. And so, it's the same with Big Mind as people Begin to quiet their mind and trust that they can access higher levels of thinking. When that happens, it's like, wow, fun. They want to do it more, and then they start playing with it more, and trusting it more, and pretty soon that's where they're leading from. and that's when they

[00:28:50] Plamena: Yeah.

[00:28:51] Dr. Ron Stotts: truly have multiple organizations because they've developed the leadership within each to really handle itself. so that's when they really start [00:29:00] being able to explore and do, all the things that they really want to be doing.

[00:29:06] Plamena: Yes. So, do you see in your line of work, that, basically our biggest challenges become our greatest assets to leadership

[00:29:16] Dr. Ron Stotts: Yeah,

[00:29:16] Plamena: once we deal with them, of course.

[00:29:20] Dr. Ron Stotts: is the key. Yeah. I really do feel that our biggest challenge is our greatest assets because you know, your challenge was limiting you. You were seeing things from a struggle place, from a fear based place, trying to, manage it. But you, also have all that energy and ability, but you're just using it in ways that it's being dispersed. Where now, all of a sudden you're focusing on it. We're focusing it then all of a sudden you see opportunity where there were nothing but challenge before you see the way to handle that Opportunity [00:30:00] and oftentimes you see that. Oh, well, this will not only have we can not only get that done But that's gonna do this.

[00:30:06] So it's gonna do that exponentially everything grows and develops and life becomes I mean I you know and touch base with people I've worked with, oftentimes a year two three years later And they're still growing. And that's, that's a, you know, I was going to mention a moment ago, it's like to shift from a place of being in a comfort zone, a range of consciousness that they feel comfortable with, all of a sudden they start going, well, gee, what if I just continue to evolve? What if I continue to be more self aware? What if I continue to be more quieter mind and more conscious and expanded? as they do that, it's like a lobster. A lobster, once a year, they feel this niggle, this discomfort where it's time to go into their den and shed their old shell. they know that if they don't let go of that old shell and grow the new one and evolve into that, then [00:31:00] they'll die. the truth, you know, it's same for us. If we don't continue to evolve, if we don't continue to grow, if we don't continue to breathe and let go, breathe and become, we die. I mean, I remember in chiropractic school, I did a paper on dying, and don't ask me why I don't, I don't even remember, but it turns out that eight of the top ten reasons people die are really lifestyle choices. And those lifestyle choices are so unsupportive that it results in their death, so that in some ways they're really consciously or subconsciously committing suicide. because they're not taking care of themselves. so, you know, you should begin to shift those patterns, become more awake, more aware, more caring for yourself and others.

[00:31:52] All of a sudden, you're living this entirely new life is filled with potential, quite [00:32:00] literally, and much more enjoyable to live.

[00:32:06] Plamena: if someone is resistant to change, how do you help them break through? Because we all have this, hearing you speak, you also talk about this and I think that one of the biggest, fears that people have is fear of change. And even with this accomplished leaders, I would say that, They have used to change, but to a different kind of change in business to the next goal.

[00:32:32] And, they still have the control there. But the real change is, always connected to real transformation. That is really out of your comfort zone, as you mentioned. And these challenges, they are subconscious, but, I also agree that we can use them rather as tools that tell you, okay, look at this, look at this.

[00:32:55] I will help you bring this subconscious problem and deal with it, and then it [00:33:00] will turn into an opportunity, but,

[00:33:02] Dr. Ron Stotts: go

[00:33:03] Plamena: but

[00:33:04] Thanks

[00:33:04] Dr. Ron Stotts: and

[00:33:05] Plamena: tend to fear things that we don't know anything about and we, think that we cannot somehow foresee. And

[00:33:14] Dr. Ron Stotts: uh,

[00:33:15] Plamena: what change is all about. To,

[00:33:17] Dr. Ron Stotts: uh,

[00:33:18] Plamena: able to, to let go and trust that it is okay to see just one or two steps forward and then to trust that the journey and the path will reveal itself.

[00:33:29] But it's so difficult for us people as a whole. I mean, for me too, sometimes, very often actually, uh, to, to actually just Let go of the control and just try to not think of every possible scenario and try to prepare for this scenario. And that creates more problems, of course, because you are taking care of non-existent problems, so to say.

[00:33:55] So how do you, how do you help, people when they're really [00:34:00] resistant to, to this change?

[00:34:03] Dr. Ron Stotts: I don't think you can, in all honesty. I get calls, every week I'm talking to different people and, lots of times somebody is calling me because somebody else told them they should. And, you know, we, Oh, it was very simple for me to guide them down into what the real problem is and how it shows how it's within them and how they can easily handle that. But That might be too uncomfortable. That might feel like they're out of control. You know, control to many, as we've been talking about, means holding on tighter, where people learn that, oh, control really comes from letting go and being present. And so, you know, you can, there's an old saying we have anyway, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. I don't want to take on a coaching client who isn't ready they're either frightened enough, or hungry enough, or desperate enough, there's something that's motivating [00:35:00] them.

[00:35:00] Plamena: an opportunity, but,

[00:35:01] Dr. Ron Stotts: go

[00:35:02] Plamena: but Thanks

[00:35:03] Dr. Ron Stotts: and

[00:35:05] Plamena: tend to fear things that we, we don't know anything about and we, think that we cannot force somehow foresee. Uh, and

[00:35:14] Dr. Ron Stotts: uh,

[00:35:16] Plamena: what change is all about. to,

[00:35:18] Dr. Ron Stotts: uh,

[00:35:19] Plamena: able to, to let go and trust that it is okay to see just one or two steps forward and then to trust that the journey and the path will reveal itself.

[00:35:30] But it's so difficult for, for us people as a whole. I mean, for me too, sometimes, very often actually, uh, to, to actually just Let go of the control and just try to not think of every possible scenario and try to prepare for this scenario. And that creates more problems, of course, because you are taking care of non-existent problems, so to say.

[00:35:56] so Yeah, so how [00:36:00] do you, how do you help, uh, people when they're really resistant to, to this change?

[00:36:07] Dr. Ron Stotts: I don't think you can, in all honesty. You know, I, I get calls, you know, every week I'm talking to different people and, somebody, you know, lots of times somebody is calling me because somebody else told them they should. And, you know, we, Oh, it was very simple for me to guide them down into what the real problem is and how it shows how it's within them and how they can easily handle that. But it, That might be too uncomfortable. That might feel like they're out of control. You know, control to many, as we've been talking about, means holding on tighter, where people learn that, oh, control really comes from letting go and being present. And so, you know, you can, there's an old saying we have anyway, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to [00:37:00] take on a coaching client who isn't ready to You know, they're either frightened enough, or hungry enough, or desperate enough, or whatever. There's something that's motivating themselves, you know, them. You know, It might be more family oriented, it might be work oriented, it might be personal. if somebody has got an inkling of, okay, I'm curious, then, I think what works for them, I certainly hear people a lot, sharing, well, he felt safe. I felt comfortable with him, and he was, honest with me. Those kinds of things for a coach, that's going to be critical. But it's also supporting them and recognizing that everything they've done was perfect at that stage of their growth and development. You know, for a child to be looking outside of himself for love as a child is perfectly normal and healthy and something we should do. We come up with a program that optimizes the amount of love we can get within our [00:38:00] family of origin and circle of friends and that's great. But as we mature, as we go into our teens, especially into our twenties, we then begin to look within ourself. We need to say, well, okay, I've given my power up to everybody else and they've told me how to function in the world, but now who am I? who do I want to be? And you begin to see what your higher vision is. Who do I have to become to reach that vision? That's the, beginning of the shift as they begin to. Recognize that, everything's been perfect so far, but I can't keep using the same tools, the same effort that's not going to get me anywhere.

[00:38:45] further. You know, an analogy that, I, being on the west coast of the United States, I'll use the analogy of, so you've got this really beautiful BMW and you've driven clear cross country and you want to go to Hawaii and you hit the beach in California. [00:39:00] Are you going to keep driving that car to Hawaii or are you going to shift and get into a different vehicle, you know?

[00:39:08] And that's, you know, to them that's obvious. It's like, well, yeah, this was a great vehicle and it got me to that far. Now I've got to go to LAX and take an airplane, or I've got to go to Long Beach and get on a boat that'll take me over to Hawaii. Cause they, they need to shift who and what they're, what they are, where they're coming from, then they need to shift their mindset. And so that's when they think, Oh, okay. I haven't failed. I haven't done something wrong and it's just time to grow. that's oftentimes what gives them the courage, the excitement, the hope to want to grow.

[00:39:49] Plamena: So do you have, clients who come to you and, look for some quick fix, so to say, so that they can, feel better, but quicker. [00:40:00] Okay. Okay. Okay.

[00:40:02] Dr. Ron Stotts: I'll be honest with you, what I do is probably the most transformative experience they'll ever have in their life. And I've 50 years really defining it and developing it so that it is the most rapid transformational experience they could have. So if somebody is looking for a quicker fix, then, you know, they don't really want to transform.

[00:40:27] They just want to come up with a quick solution to solve limited, know, problem or a solution, you know, to something that they're dealing with right now. that really is not my cup of tea. I know lots of people in this industry and they have quick fixes, those quick fixes only last for a very short time. You can try hard, you can do this, you can do that, and that will work for a very short time. But then you're right back to where you started. A lot of the people that come to me have done a tremendous amount of [00:41:00] work. They really have. Quick fix work. But there's more than enough to go.

[00:41:06] Oh, that doesn't work But know, I'm just making that somebody else a lot of money, but it's not really working for me long term So when they decided it's time to really transform their own life

[00:41:21] Plamena: Yeah, I agree with you. It's just that, I think that sometimes when people are so busy, they think that they will spend a few hours and then they will feel fine again and then they can continue. But it doesn't work like that. So when they're so busy, what are some simple techniques and tools for such busy high level leaders that they can incorporate and start implementing?

[00:41:49] For example, today, like something simple. That they can incorporate in their daily lives to be more, to become more conscious and more [00:42:00] aligned in their leadership.

[00:42:02] Are there, for example, any small habits that then can help leaders strengthen self awareness

[00:42:11] and emotional intelligence?

[00:42:12] Dr. Ron Stotts: what do you have to do to get over that bad habit? You have to pay attention to it. You know, if you, I remember when I was a little kid, I chewed my fingernails, and I remember somewhere in grade school, some girl that I was sitting at a table with looked down at my fingernails, and I realized, Oh, that's not good. Girls don't like that. So I started, I started paying attention, you know, I still wanted to chew them. Sometimes they would be chewing my fingernails, but it was, you know, so I had to just have the intention. Okay. I'm going to stop doing that. Eventually I would even notice when I was thinking about doing it, I would kind of catch that thought. You know, eventually I discovered there was actually clippers, and I could start trimming my [00:43:00] nails, and that way I wasn't so apt to want to clean them up, and which only resulted in making them worse. And, so it takes that intention, it takes that focus. most of the things we're talking about, people have been doing all their life. You know, so often times for decades and, uh, so it takes them stepping back. It takes them being willing to step back and really take that deeper look. And the tools, I'll be honest with you, if you don't heal your past, all the tools are only short term. They just, you know, I, not, not that I don't think a lot of the things that people teach will work, but they won't work unless you've done that at deeper inner work, and then they work fine, and they're good tools. But

[00:43:49] Plamena: because you're building on a, on a bad foundation, so to say.

[00:43:54] [00:44:00] yeah,

[00:44:01] Dr. Ron Stotts: quite literally, they're hardly breathing. They go up in their head, and they'll literally stop breathing, or they're breathing very, very shallowly. And the reason they're doing that is because the less you breathe, the more disconnected you can be from your emotions. So, as they begin to breathe and get in touch with, acknowledge, and express those emotions. they become more comfortable with breathing, and as they breathe, that relaxes the whole body, the whole parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest, all of a sudden starts clicking in and comes online and is much more reliant. You're not communicating to your amygdala that you're in fear, fight and flight all the time, and so it begins to settle down. The forebrain begins to take over and breathing becomes this, oh, that's what I want to do. That's what my body's really, really good at. That doesn't take any effort or force.

[00:44:56] That just takes myself letting breathe. [00:45:00] And it's like, well, then, so I have to kind of have a mantra or a yantra or something to focus on that. And so, you know, they learn to breathe. They learn to say in As they're breathing in and out, as they're breathing out. And I teach a variety of breathing styles, but to handle in whatever situation.

[00:45:22] So if they're, if they're breathing, then they're feeling. If they're breathing and feeling, then they're more neurologically connected. And if they're more neurologically connected and emotionally connected, Then they're going to be more confident. as they become more confident, connected, and whole, they become a more authentic, capable leader who's really accessing the best of who and what they are. what they always find is all of a sudden things slow down. Things aren't Randomly happening and needing panic reaction. In fact, [00:46:00] that's the last thing they want to be doing. So, I mean, like I was talking to a client the other day, she's in India and she was saying, you know, she, she'd been doing really well.

[00:46:10] And I mean, she, she literally transforming the educational system for kids and teachers in India. It's just incredible. And, she was all of a sudden in this agitated, kind of panicky state, and of course I needed to support her in breathing and being present enough so we could even have a conversation.

[00:46:28] And she realized, and you know, with a bit of guidance, but she started recognizing, oh, it's gotten too big for what I've got, for the help that I have. So I need to get more help. I need to get assistance here. So it was really, it was just an evolving moment that she hadn't noticed. was coming. now next time she will.

[00:46:49] She'll pay more attention and, and those and get somebody to come in and join her with her work and able to support the aspect of her [00:47:00] work that she's not able to handle because everything else is going so well. That's where the evolving comes in. You know, I, organizations can grow, but you can't do it by yourself. You know, you, you end up. And, you know, if you're trying to hire everybody and micromanage everything, you're going to get exhausted and burned out, or the other people probably. But if you learn to hire people, and really support them in bringing out their best, so that everybody is developing their leadership and capability, then that's where you get that cooperation, collaboration, and truly, that's where the success comes from. I was a U. S. rowing champion when I was in college, and, there's eight guys, and there's a coxswain in the back. And, if you're not all rowing together, you've got to be first rowing the same [00:48:00] direction, but you've got to be rowing at the same time, and you can't be turning around looking around because it throws the whole boat off. So it's that alignment that, allows you to be successful. I have to admit that, that boat of eight guys that I was part of, a bunch of goof offs, nobody would look at it and go, oh, wow, a world champion rower, dah, dah, dah. We were a bunch of goof offs, but we had a great coach, that great leader, and that leader, that coach, helped us really get clear on what we were doing and how to do it, so we were working as a team. Boy, when we were working together as a team. We were unstoppable. We were freshmen, and we were beating the varsity, these guys had been rowing for years by the time, and this was our first year. But we were such a good, team that, the success came from that. And that's true throughout our life, [00:49:00] throughout our organization, throughout our families.

[00:49:03] Plamena: Yeah, that's when the magic happens, really, when you work with other people in coherence, so to say. Yeah. So let's just, recap quickly. So first step would be For the leaders to actually allow themselves to just take a second for themselves and start with some basic bread work so they can get rid of the excess thoughts and everything that is not belonging there and.

[00:49:31] Really trying to recenter themselves, so to say, with themselves and to be more in the present moment. So step by step, more and more in the present moment and from this point, they can actually observe what is actually happening in the reality around them and to act from a different perspective and to think from a different perspective.

[00:49:52] And this impacts. Everyone around them. And, I agree that you mentioned [00:50:00] partnerships and how important partnerships actually are and people around you. So do you think that, this as a factor when you hire someone? I mean, do you think that when the leader is not authentic, they can actually hire people that can make a good team?

[00:50:23] They can, that, that then can support the vision of the company, so to say, and his vision as a leader. Do you think that this is possible when he's not in this authentic place?

[00:50:37] Dr. Ron Stotts: What I see is, and what leaders who have done the work with me see, is that they've hired people who will placate them, who will bow to their, you know, control needs. What I see is most leaders their ego just has splashed through the organization, and everybody's at the effect of it. [00:51:00] so, if you have somebody coming, looking for work or wanting to be part of that organization, first of all, that's not likely, because they can sense lack of coherency in the organization, but they're not likely to hire somebody who's threatening their position and isn't Ready to, you know, be controlled by them and not really that a good, high quality person wants to be a viable part of a team, not just another cog in the wheel that's being controlled by some authoritative, top down management style or, leadership style.

[00:51:37] And so, you know, I remember I helped AT& T, a large telecommunications system in the United States, and they were going, literally, the government said they have to break up their monopoly and become five, you know, for profit organizations. And back in the 80s, when I helped them transition through that, divest [00:52:00] into those five organizations, what happened was, They realized, Oh, we have to have a different leadership style.

[00:52:07] We have to be doing things differently than we have before. And they had a completely top down leadership. I was traveling the country, meeting all the different levels of leaders and managers. And all of them knew just to keep their mouth shut, keep their head down and look for retirement. That might be 20 years away, but they're, just, you know, keep down, don't, don't rock the boat.

[00:52:32] And that isn't a viable way to run an organization any longer. That, you know, that, if you're a monopoly, yeah, you can get away with that. But it's also still going to limit your ability to grow and evolve. And the truth is, those leaders aren't having any fun. They're really stressed out.

[00:52:53] They're really burned. They're so caught up in the gamesmanship and, trying to gain [00:53:00] acceptance and success and love from others that they're not having any fun. They just reach a point where it's like yeah, I've made money, I did this, I did that, that's not it, that's not it. And, they finally just, like, okay, what do I have to do? And that's when they surrender and become.

[00:53:20] Plamena: Yeah, I also think that, sometimes it is, the thing that many leaders actually let their values sit the most of their career time out, so to say, their real values. And, they change some behavior that is acceptable by society and societal norms and they created their, teams on this foundation that is not based on their own values.

[00:53:51] And then at some point. People cannot work well together because they're actually not really aligning as their true selves [00:54:00] because they don't have the same values, so to say, or similar values at the very least. I think this is also one moment when They can really feel this clash of the different, it shouldn't be a problem when someone is different, but when it comes to values, there are, I think, some basic, values that you can at least relate with when you work with somebody.

[00:54:25] So have you noticed such problems with your clients?

[00:54:31] That they have, that they have, started their career and, actually gained their successes with teams that are not actually aligned with their values and hire people based on, based on,

[00:54:45] Dr. Ron Stotts: yeah, I mean, it can work both ways. I recently, worked with a couple of people in an organization and. The founder had, very successful and large, tech company but they were trying to prepare themselves, to get evaluated so they could sell the [00:55:00] company. And the board, who was also people outside of the organization, of course ended up coming in and basically firing the founder, because was just kind of creating a good old boys fraternity that, he could run the show. And of the people that I was working with at the time was CFO, he ended up stepping into that CEO position, and he was a kind of an introvert, a quieter guy, but he was coming from a much more conscious, supportive place. And that was in alignment with what the board saw was necessary to not only grow the company, but to make it a much more worthwhile value for somebody to buy.

[00:55:45] And so, you know, in that example, it's, you know, somebody who's. Their values were not in alignment with the board's values and the board shifted all of that. Yeah. I [00:56:00] think, it's almost as if, another client, I'm just coming to mind, he comes in and he wants to be very conscious and, really supporting everybody and it's a small organization, but it's really growing and he is excited about it. one of the investors comes in and he kind of wants to run the show. And he's doing it from an authoritative, controlling place. And so, all of a sudden, this really well developed and growing company, a fellow I was working with stepped out, and this other person stepped in, and all of a sudden it Start of falling apart and, not making as much money, not being as successful, a lot more problems and challenges.

[00:56:45] And so, yeah, you have to have a team that's in alignment. I mean, I've had people who have gone through this and really come back into their own company, usually founders or CEOs and they're going, [00:57:00] okay, I want to create this aligned, integrated, cooperative, collaborative organization. Well, there's going to be some people in that organization that don't want that.

[00:57:09] And so they might lose those, but they're going to attract people who do want that. And that's going to only contribute to their success. It's like in personal relationships, as you grow, if the other person doesn't want to grow and resist growing, you're probably going to grow apart

[00:57:25] Plamena: yeah, that is true.

[00:57:26] Dr. Ron Stotts: going to stay together and be miserable.

[00:57:28] One of the two.

[00:57:31] Plamena: That is true too, because many people do that, but.

[00:57:35] Dr. Ron Stotts: Yeah.

[00:57:35] Plamena: It's a matter of choice, really. So when we are talking about teams, let's say that, you have one of your clients that, have gained already a tremendous success and they have a certain status in the company and, in the eyes of their team.

[00:57:53] Let's say that the team perceives them in a specific way already. What I have noticed is [00:58:00] that, especially in those moments when leaders get really to this point of burn out, when they also get, more often angry. And really irritated,

[00:58:11] Dr. Ron Stotts: Yeah,

[00:58:11] Plamena: easily irritated.

[00:58:13] I have noticed that, their team members then really start to, speak badly about them, which is on the one side normal, but, My question would be, what would be your advice to the employees and to the people from the team, when their leader actually wants to start with his personal transformation, because I mean, from my perspective is a two way street.

[00:58:41] I mean, he has to create this space for himself or herself to be able to actually breathe a bit and recenter, but also he has to actually,

[00:58:51] Dr. Ron Stotts: lot

[00:58:58] Plamena: some patience with [00:59:00] their leader, how do you say this and what advice would you give to employees who are facing such a situation where their leader is undergoing transformation

[00:59:12] Dr. Ron Stotts: You know, on the one hand, if founder or CEO comes to me and does the work, oftentimes send me other C suites and they go through the work and they become, the CEOs of the different organizations or they rise and become more part of it. It really does take that, know, if you have more support and alignment and like thinking, then it's going to be easier. But, if I understand your question, you go, how can the, people in the organization adapt to the changes that a leader might want to have? Is that what you're suggesting?

[00:59:52] Plamena: Yes. So, do you think that they should actually also create some space for their leaders to be able to [01:00:00] actually undergo this transformation? So to have a little bit more patience during this process? And more understanding because, employees often tend to always say, okay, the boss is always wrong and it's their fault for, every single problem that we have here.

[01:00:19] But in the same time,

[01:00:20] Dr. Ron Stotts: uh,

[01:00:23] Plamena: lessen, for example, their requests to this, boss or to this leader. And,

[01:00:29] give the leader a time to breathe, so to say, and to actually be able to change his or her ways. So what would you be, your advice, to employees?

[01:00:42] Dr. Ron Stotts: Well, what you're describing is people coming from fear, that's their fear of change, resisting

[01:00:49] Plamena: true. Yes.

[01:00:51] Dr. Ron Stotts: And so, you have to give them something that gives them hope. That inspires them. It gives them a [01:01:00] vision of what, you know, where the company is moving towards. Yeah, companies go through all these dramatic changes and it always ends up the same. That's when employees are. Like, oh, now they're going to disrupt my division or my team. And, you know, but it's always going to end up back right where it was. And so they don't really trust that transformation, that shift, they don't trust the leader to follow through and really have the bigger picture awareness of what it takes to maintain that shift.

[01:01:27] And so you lay it out and invite people to, you know, a lot of times I'll create opportunities for employees to come, maybe just introducing the idea of what the focus of the organization is shifting to. Maybe I'm, them become more self aware. We're doing a little workshop and situation might be several that help them better understand the shifts that are taking place and to be able to handle those changes themselves. what I'm always looking for is to inspire [01:02:00] them to be a leader. A leader isn't the person necessarily at the top, a leader is anybody who's coming up with supportive ideas. A leader is anybody who's helping others to grow and develop, I remember when I got out of the Marine Corps, I to work for a large boat manufacturer, sailboat manufacturer, wasn't making any money, you know, maybe a little bit. But, uh, but I, want, I love boats, and I remember, very early on, I was working for kind of a satellite company, the one of the smaller boats that they built, and I remember just kind of walking through at lunchtime and going, gee, we should do this, and we should do that, and basically what I was doing was just creating different, places for the boat to shift to, so that all the tools would be there, and people wouldn't be running all over, Tools were getting lost or stolen and all of those things.

[01:02:54] And I was making probably a little embarrassing at this point, 1. 25 an hour. I was [01:03:00] nobody, but I was in the middle of just seeing this lack of organization, which really wasn't enjoyable for me, because I'm, raised by a dad who's kind of efficient and that kind of thing.

[01:03:15] I shared my, piece of paper with all the ideas on it with, boss and the owner happened to be there having lunch with them. And so, you know, within a day, I remember the next day this limousine pulls up and they escort me into it, and I'm over at a meeting with probably a dozen people, and most of them had been with the company at least 20 years.

[01:03:37] I'd been with them a few months, they ended up making me production manager of several of the different bigger boat lines and so that's not a story about me But it's kind of that accidental leadership that i've watched happen throughout my life and it's just because I care I'm an employee who cared.

[01:03:59] I'm an [01:04:00] employee who's trying to make things better, not only for myself, but for everybody. And that's what leadership needs is that cooperation because a team leader knows much more about what's going on on a team than, one of the higher ups. One of the person on the team knows more about their little aspect of what they're doing.

[01:04:21] So that's where you want to really support everybody. in developing their leadership. Everybody's looking for how can we improve. Instead of hiding something from this other team that we're in, feel like we're in competition for, no, look for how we can work together. You get a sales team and a manufacturing team, they might feel a conflict because the sales team is trying to sell more than they have. And, you know, they're putting out a product that's not quite as good as it be. And so, you know, you've got to start working together and collaborating.

[01:04:55] That's where that cooperation and collaboration leads to [01:05:00] greater success, not just short term, but long term. You know, it's just, just as an individual becomes more connected and whole and focused on where they're going. So it's, rippled out into the organization so that it's all in alignment and supportive of each other. And that's you get the success that you're truly looking for.

[01:05:24] Plamena: So you have to start with an honest, authentic, communication and then aligned actions that involve caring actually about the people in the organization, about the team and about the common goal and bringing everybody together on the same page. Yes,

[01:05:42] Dr. Ron Stotts: it's going to be the same,

[01:05:45] Plamena: if you want it to be successful, surely.

[01:05:48] Dr. Ron Stotts: you want to be successful.

[01:05:50] Plamena: Well, Dr. Ron, this conversation has been incredibly insightful. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experiences. And before we wrap up, where [01:06:00] can our listeners find more about your work?

[01:06:03] Dr. Ron Stotts: I think the easiest thing is just to go to ronstotts.com, ronstotts.com. That's my website. And truly, there's great materials there that you can download for free. Questions, a series of questions that helps them begin their inner journey. And certainly will help them get more focused on their work and their life and what they're doing and where they want to go. And, you know, the books and the classes and the programs are all in there. But, you know, there's also the blogs and the YouTube videos. And it's just a tremendous amount of information and insight that will support them in finding the courage within themselves to be willing to change and evolve. To really become that leader that they're capable of and create that life that they want.

[01:06:53] Plamena: Great. Thank you. And to our listeners. If today's conversation resonated with you, don't forget to [01:07:00] subscribe to Leadership Meets Inner Self, share this episode with fellow leaders, and leave a review. Your leadership journey is unique, and the more we engage in deep, meaningful conversations like this one, the more we step into our highest potential.

[01:07:17] Thank you for tuning in, and I'll see you in the next episode.

[01:07:24] Thank

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